My name is Emma and I am in your class this year. I want you to know a little about me. I’m nervous and scared to be in your class because this is a new school for me and I don’t know what to expect. I loved my friends and teachers from my old school. I miss them and am sad to leave them. I may need some time to adjust until I am able to feel comfortable. Please don’t judge me on my first few weeks. I sometimes look like I don’t understand, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t. I don’t have the language to say what I feel or think a lot of the time. I don’t have the language to ask the questions I’d like to ask.
I am very sensitive. Sometimes if someone is upset, stressed or angry I become overwhelmed by the feelings and I shut down. I don’t know how to process those feelings. I might not look at you when you talk, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t hear you. I have excellent hearing, but sometimes I don’t know how to process what you’ve just said or I might not completely understand what is expected of me. Sometimes I won’t answer a question I know the answer to, because I don’t understand why the question is being asked.
As I become familiar with you and your classroom I will begin to shine. A great way to speed up this process is letting me know what to expect. Written or picture schedules for the day reduce my anxiety. A five-minute warning before a change of activity can help me too. I love timers. If you let me, I will set the timer to the time you’ve told me and when the timer goes off I will be able to do what you’ve asked.
You are my teacher and role model. I look up to you. I really want you to like me. I need you to believe in me. I need you to help me so that I can succeed.
1. What is my general disposition?
I am happy almost all the time.
2. What am I really, really good at?
I’m good at leading others. I am very persuasive and a good negotiator. Use my negotiating skills for math and science. Use my leadership skills to motivate me.
3. What do I absolutely LOVE doing?
I love music, dancing, being up on a stage, give me a microphone and I will sing. I love “talent shows.” I love any game involving running, swimming under water, laughing and being silly. I LOVE playing “Duck, duck, goose!” and musical chairs. I love having dance parties. I love playing hide and seek. I love dressing up as a princess. I love bouncing, swinging and going to any playground. I am very athletic and also very girly! I LOVE cooking! I won’t eat most of what I cook, but cooking is fun, especially pancakes, I love pancakes.
4. What do I absolutely HATE?
I hate being told I can’t do something, when I’ve just done it. Example: Please do not say, “You cannot shout!” after I’ve just shouted. Obviously I CAN shout, I just did, with you right there watching me, telling me I “can’t” is not true and it’s confusing. Say instead, “You mustn’t shout. Here is what you can do instead.” Then show me how I can speak more appropriately. By doing that, you are helping to give me other choices. Try to remember when you tell me what I cannot do, to tell me what I can do as an alternative.
5. What academics are my strong areas?
Reading, writing, typing and math – I am fairly new to these subjects, but in the last year I’ve gone from just learning how to form the letters of the alphabet to being able to read and write at a 1st -2nd grade level, likewise with math. My favorite museum is the American Museum of Natural History. I love the Hubble Imax movie. I am interested in learning about our world, the ocean, the moon, other planets and the universe. I don’t want to be an astronaut though, I want to be a singer on the stage!
6. What academics do I need a lot of extra help with?
I resist all academics because they are hard for me. I don’t want to disappoint anyone and I hate it when I make a mistake. Try to help me by helping me succeed. If I don’t know something, like a word, wait to see if I can get it on my own, (I often can) but if, after 15 – 30 seconds I am clearly struggling, tell me the word. Don’t say, “sound it out,” or “try again.” I didn’t learn to read by sounding out the letters, and while I am able to do that a little now, it makes words like bomb, limb and thought impossible for me to understand that rule. I want to learn. I want to be independent. With your help, I can learn and I will.
7. Which skills would my parents really like me to work on this year?
My parents want me to continue with my reading, writing, typing and math. I am interested in science too. My parents would love to see me begin understanding the concept of time and money and they would like to see me continue to get better at identifying my emotions. They love seeing me perform and sing and dance. Maybe we could start a theater program! My mom says she would love to help organize that if the school wants.
8. How will you know when I’m getting frustrated?
I will get a look on my face of panic. I begin to breathe differently too and often I will talk to myself, usually in a slightly high-pitched voice laced with anxiety. Sometimes I will start repeating things other teachers in the past have said to me, in a scolding tone, such as, “No Emma! You may not __________. If you _____________ we will take away ______________.” These things may sound scripted and the temptation is to ignore what I’m saying, but it actually means I’m in overwhelm and have to rely on my scripts to say anything at all. So try to listen, even if the words seem meaningless, I am trying to communicate my feelings and distress to you. Sometimes I might say, “You have to ask for help!” This is how I know to ask for help when I’m very stressed. I can’t remember that people may not understand me and then will ignore me instead of helping me. Also I might say, “Do you want to go swimming?” This means I really, really want to go swimming and if you can tell me when that is scheduled and show me on a schedule board, I will understand and become calmer.
9. What can you do to calm me down before the storm hits?
Listen to me, acknowledge my feelings, do not dismiss my upset, speak calmly and lovingly. I am very sensitive and know when someone is angry or irritated and that will only make me more overwhelmed. If you can break things down for me into small baby steps, I will be able to pull myself out of the overwhelming feelings and go on to succeed.
10. Too late! The storm hit! What can you do to calm me down?
This is not the time to engage in a power struggle. I am not trying to manipulate you or upset anyone. I am simply expressing my frustration. Help me learn other coping techniques. Sometimes if I’m very upset I will bite myself or hit myself. Sometimes I will just scream. My mom says my screams can break glass. That’s never happened before, but I know it can be upsetting to see me like this. Please try not to raise your voice. Please do not tell me not to hit or bite, that won’t help me and anyway I probably already have by the time you say that. (See #4) I do these things because the pain I am feeling is so intense biting or hitting my arm or hand lessens that pain, and the pain I feel from hurting myself is pain I’m in control of. Please understand that trying to restrain me, or yelling will not help me stop, it will just add to my confusion and frustration.
What helps you when you feel overwhelmed? What things do you do when you feel so anxious, scared or upset you feel you can no longer cope? Maybe the things that work for you will help me too. I want to learn other methods. But be patient. Showing me once does not mean I will have learned it. Usually there is a sensorial component to my upset. I am overwhelmed with a feeling or a sensation. I am exhausted, tired or hungry. Often a sensory break will do wonders to restore my equilibrium.
11. What strategies work really well to get me to do something I don’t want to do?
Make it into a game! Often music can be incorporated and that will change everything. High affect and silliness can make something that feels difficult seem fun!
12. What typically makes me laugh?
Silly faces, playful interactions, games! I have specific jokes and games I like to play with specific people. Things we do with each other that I don’t necessarily do with anyone else. Maybe it’s a silly dance, maybe it’s making faces at each other, pretending to be someone else or that I’m someone else will usually make me laugh. I love laughing.
13. What consequences backfire and don’t give the desired results?
Sometimes if someone misinterprets what I’m saying or asking, I can get really frustrated. If you say – “You have to do __________. If you don’t, I’m going to take away _________ ” will only make me upset and anxious. I won’t be able to concentrate on what it is you’d like me to do because I will be worrying about having that thing I love taken from me. Instead, if you say, “You can __________, but first you need to do _____________.” That way I can concentrate on having/doing something I love as opposed to taking something away.
14. I would also like you to know…
I have a string that I love. Please do not take my string away as punishment. My string helps me focus and it makes me feel safe. If you take it away or threaten to take it away I will become completely overwhelmed. Sometimes, like when I need to type or write, holding my string too makes it harder to do those things. During those times, you can say, “put your string somewhere close by, so that your hands are free to write or type.” If you let me control where my string is, I will do as you ask. Also (a little secret) if you get a string or ribbon and copy my movements in a playful way, you might see and feel how wonderful it is and I will be surprised and so happy that someone wants to interact with me in a way that I love.
I have no allergies, but I do like to eat the same food everyday. Some foods, look, taste and smell funny. Don’t make me eat something I don’t want to eat. My mom and dad pack me the same lunch everyday. They know it’s what I feel safe with. But sometimes I will see someone eating something that looks good. If I seem interested in trying something and if it’s okay to let me, then do, otherwise please tell my mom so she can get it for me so I can try it.
One last thing – Assume competence and respect my process. I can and do learn. I may take longer thananother kid, but I can learn. I am extremely independent. Show me, let me and help me.
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